A Classification of Abusive Behaviors

Abusive conduct is not a uniform, homogeneous phenomenon. It stems and
emanates from multiples sources and manifests in a myriad ways.
Following are a few useful distinctions which pertain to abuse and could
serve as organizing, taxonomical principles (dimensional typologies) in
a kind of matrix.

1. Overt vs. Covert abuse

Overt abuse is the open and explicit, easily discernible, clear-cut
abuse of another person in any way, shape, or form (verbal, physical,
sexual, financial, psychological- emotional, etc.).

Covert abuse revolves around the abuser's need to assert and maintain
control over his victim. It can wear many forms, not all of which are
self-evident, unequivocal, and unambiguous.

2. Explicit vs. Stealth or Ambient abuse (Gaslighting)

A more useful distinction, therefore, is between explicit (manifest,
obvious, indisputable, easily observable even by a casual spectator or
interlocutor) and stealth (or ambient) abuse, also known as gaslighting.
This is the fostering, propagation and enhancement of an atmosphere of
fear, intimidation, instability, unpredictability and irritation. There
are no acts of traceable explicit abuse, nor any manipulative settings
of control.

3. Projective vs. Directional abuse

Projective abuse is the outcome of the abuser's projection defense
mechanism. Projection is when the abuser attributes to others feelings
and traits and motives that he possesses but deems unacceptable,
discomfiting, and ill-fitting. This way he disowns these discordant
features and secures the right to criticize and chastise others for
having or displaying them. Such abuse is often cathartic (see the next
pair of categories).

Directional abuse is not the result of projection. It is a set of
behaviors aimed at a target (the victim) for the purpose of humiliating,
punishing, or manipulating her. Such abusive conduct is functional,
geared towards securing a favored and desired outcome.

4. Cathartic vs. Functional abuse

While pair number (3) above deals with the psychodynamic roots of the
abuser's misbehavior, the current pair of categories is concerned with
its consequences. Some abusers behave the way they do because it
alleviates their anxieties; enhances their inflated, grandiose
self-image; or purges "impurities" and imperfections that they perceive
either in the victim, or in the situation (e.g., in their marriage).
Thus, such abuse is cathartic: it is aimed at making the abuser feel
better. Projective abuse, for instance, is always cathartic.

The other reason to abuse someone is because the abuser wants to
motivate his victim to do something, to feel in a certain way, or to
refrain from committing an act. This is functional abuse in that it
helps the abuser to adapt to his environment and operate in it, however
dysfunctionally.

5. Pattern (or structured) vs. Stochastic (or Random) abuse

Some abusers heap abuse all the time on everyone around them: spouse,
children, neighbors, friends, bosses, colleagues, authority figures, and
underlings. Abusive conduct is the only way they know how to react to a
world which they perceive to be hostile and exploitative. Their
behaviors are "hard-wired" , rigid, ritualistic, and structured.

Other abusers are less predictable. They are explosive and impulsive.
They have a problem with managing their anger. They respond with temper
tantrums to narcissistic injuries and real and imaginary slights (ideas
of reference). These abusers appear to strike "out of the blue", in a
chaotic and random manner.

6. Monovalent vs. Polyvalent abuse

The monovalent abuser abuses only one party, repeatedly, viciously, and
thoroughly. Such abusers perpetrate their acts in well-defined locations
or frameworks (e.g., at home, or in the workplace). They take great care
to hide their hideous exploits and present a socially-acceptable face
(or, rather, facade) in public. Their are driven by the need to
annihilate the object of their maltreatment, or the source of their
frustration and pathological envy.

In contrast, the polyvalent abuser casts his net wide and far and does
not "discriminate" in choosing his prey. He is an "equal opportunity
abuser" with multiple victims, who, often, have little in common. He is
rarely concerned with appearances and regards himself above the Law. He
holds everyone - and especially authority figures - in contempt. He is
usually antisocial (psychopathic) and narcissistic.

7. Characteristic (personal style) vs. Atypical abuse

Abuse amounts to the personal style of most Pattern, or Structured
abusers (see point 5 above). Demeaning, injurious, humiliating, and
offensive behavior is their modus operandi, their reflexive reaction to
stimuli, and their credo. Stochastic, or Random abusers act normatively
and "normally" most of the time. Their abusive conduct is an aberration,
a deviation, and perceived by their nearest and dearest to be atypical
and even shocking.

8. Normative vs. Deviant abuse.

We all inflict abuse on others from time to time. Some abusive reactions
are within the social norms and not considered to be indicative or a
personal pathology, or of a socio-cultural anomie. In certain
circumstances, abuse as a reaction is called for and deemed healthy and
socially-commendabl e.

Still, the vast majority of abusive behaviors should be regarded as
deviant, pathological, antisocial, and perverse.

It is important to distinguish between normative and deviant abuse. A
total lack of aggression is as unhealthy as a surfeit. The cultural
context is critical in assessing when someone crosses the line and
becomes an abuser.