Used vs. Loved?

Subject: Used vs. Loved? Sat Sep 11, 2010 12:29 pm

I got this as a forward. So if I do cite a source for it, that would be speculation. I like the message it conveys, which is why I want to share it with the rest of you. IF you haven't already seen it Wink

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car. In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'

The man was so hurt and speechless; he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times. Devastated by his own actions. sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.

The next day that man committed suicide. . .

Anger and Love have no limits & remember this:

Things are to be used and people are to be loved.
The problem in today's world is that people are used while things are loved.
Let's try always to keep this thought in mind:

Things are to be used, People are to be loved.
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character;
Watch your character; it becomes your DESTINY.
I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder.
I hope you have a good day no matter what problems you may face.
It's the only day you'll have before it's over.

_________________

"The worst thing in life is attachment, it hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is loneliness, it teaches you everything and when you lose it, you get everything."

Subject: Re: Used vs. Loved? Sat Sep 11, 2010 1:01 pm

Think before you act...

At that kinda resumes everything ...

Subject: Re: Used vs. Loved? Sat Sep 11, 2010 1:20 pm

FireSile wrote:

Think before you act...

At that kinda resumes everything ...

Bingo :)

Unfortunately, our *thinking* is limited to and often controlled by our biases, which are often, if not always, based on speculation.

_________________

"The worst thing in life is attachment, it hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is loneliness, it teaches you everything and when you lose it, you get everything."

Subject: Re: Used vs. Loved? Sat Sep 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Xs wrote:

FireSile wrote:

Think before you act...

At that kinda resumes everything ...

Bingo :)

Unfortunately, our *thinking* is limited to and often controlled by our biases, which are often, if not always, based on speculation.

i would rather say that our "thinking" is not limited more like under the control of what emotions your are under in that moment

as an example is that lil' story ...anger ...

Subject: Re: Used vs. Loved? Sat Sep 11, 2010 5:37 pm

FireSile wrote:

Xs wrote:

FireSile wrote:

Think before you act...

At that kinda resumes everything ...

Bingo :)

Unfortunately, our *thinking* is limited to and often controlled by our biases, which are often, if not always, based on speculation.

i would rather say that our "thinking" is not limited more like under the control of what emotions your are under in that moment

as an example is that lil' story ...anger ...

O.o

o.O

BINGO!
Is it just me or are you reading my mind? Yes I've been rather interested that line of thinking recently (or as historians call it, that form of philosophy) and have done some rather limited research about it ... and yes, I agree!!! I'd love to compare notes about it if you can name it :P

_________________

"The worst thing in life is attachment, it hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is loneliness, it teaches you everything and when you lose it, you get everything."

Subject: Re: Used vs. Loved? Sat Sep 11, 2010 8:10 pm

Xs wrote:

FireSile wrote:

Xs wrote:

FireSile wrote:

Think before you act...

At that kinda resumes everything ...

Bingo :)

Unfortunately, our *thinking* is limited to and often controlled by our biases, which are often, if not always, based on speculation.

i would rather say that our "thinking" is not limited more like under the control of what emotions your are under in that moment

as an example is that lil' story ...anger ...

O.o

o.O

BINGO!
Is it just me or are you reading my mind? Yes I've been rather interested that line of thinking recently (or as historians call it, that form of philosophy) and have done some rather limited research about it ... and yes, I agree!!! I'd love to compare notes about it if you can name it :P

No i don't read mind anymore , it's boring .

I didn't do any researches on that , its just what i notice at people ... how they act in certain moments and stuff but i would really be glad to read your notes anyway .

By the way you really like to have the last word , don't you? ( its just what i noticed at you )

and to be on topic Used or Loved ...how can you make the difference ?

The typical "Used in a relationship" its just for money *material stuff* ...but could it be more?

waiting for a response on this one ^^

Subject: Re: Used vs. Loved? Sun Sep 12, 2010 11:25 am

FireSile wrote:

................

I didn't do any researches on that , its just what i notice at people ... how they act in certain moments and stuff but i would really be glad to read your notes anyway .

By the way you really like to have the last word , don't you? ( its just what i noticed at you )

and to be on topic Used or Loved ...how can you make the difference ?

The typical "Used in a relationship" its just for money *material stuff* ...but could it be more?

waiting for a response on this one ^^

1. Good thing to notice. I suspect, based entirely on speculation, that you might have a high EQ. EQ is Emotional Quotient. I agree that a discussion like that belongs in another topic. I'll create one asap with the limited research I've conducted on the matter.

2. Hehe, yes I have been told more than once that I love having the last word. Upon personal inquiry into the subject I have realized apparently everyone wants the last word. I however love to be stumped. The process of reaching there involves me carrying on a conversation because it gives me a need to hypothesize and understand those around me and thus indulge in a meaningful conversation which not only gets our thoughts across but also helps everyone involved by educating all of us. For that very reason I have often said "If I win a debate I don't enjoy that as much as when I lose a debate, it helps me to understand new things and it brings to light new perspectives which I did not consider. Thus, losing makes me a better person, winning, doesn't."

3. Used vs. Loved:
Well I'll have to agree with you. We are ever so often overcome by our emotions that we act out in ways which reasoning and experience do not endorse.

a. The cause of this sort of behaviour can be due to multiple factors, but one of the most used (in my speculating opinion) is frustration.

The frustration can be seen in the usage of the word "Whatever". That is mostly used by teenagers these days when they don't have a legit and rational course of dialogue to indulge in. So, by using the "statement" whatever they do nothing more than discount anything that anyone else is saying and thus attempt to either start the discussion from scratch by reiterating the statement OR dismiss everything altogether. The frustration aspect can be seen is other things as well.

b. So, yes, I agree. Because we are so easily overcome by our emotions we tend to indulge in an emotional response to circumstances where, often, a rational response would do much more justice.

4. The easiest way to make a difference, in my limited opinion, is by doing what you mentioned much earlier on. i.e. By evaluating our actions before we take them. That way we would be able to better understand why we want to indulge in a particular action and thus understand our own causality behind it.
For this very reason, in the recent past, you might have noticed I have been using the word "speculation" often. By identifying speculation in a course of discussion, I can preemptively shoot it down. Speculation is often based on rumor, the grapevine, and thus on almost entirely unreliable sources.
If I were to pay heed to speculation, THEN, my horoscope says something which I should be listening to. My palmistry says something different, my numerology says something entirely different and my tarot cards say something totally different, which speculation would I pay heed to? Why? By following that course of thought its often easy to be able to shoot down the expected course of action which under other circumstances I would have indulged in.

5. "Used in a relationship"
Well, again, in my honest opinion, one can be used for multiple things. However, at the end of the day I have to thank Mr. Frued for giving us the correct answer. Sex.
Money? Money for what? To establish you are better than those around you? Sex!
Sex? Yes Sex!

The only other causality I can think of is due to incidents in the person's past which have caused them to behave this way. That causality is slightly different, however, at the root of it; I'm inclined to say one will find Vengeance.

_________________

"The worst thing in life is attachment, it hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is loneliness, it teaches you everything and when you lose it, you get everything."

Subject: Re: Used vs. Loved? Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:21 pm

1 .

Quote:

" Emotional Intelligence is about having empathy for others. It is about standing up for what you believe in a tactful and respectful way. It is about not jumping to conclusions, but getting the whole picture before you react. The key to emotional intelligence is an understanding of your emotions and the emotions of others, and acting in the most appropriate way based on that understanding. "

Well i can say that this quote kinda totally describes me . Thank you for bringing the " Emotional Quotient " into the discussion i was totally unaware of something like this

2. In your case you like to debate , in my case is to wait , to see what the other person have to say even a group discussion i like to listen to what they have to say . In this way i could learn many things

3. Nothing to say here ...you kinda "finish" it ^^

4. not really sure what to say here O.O

5. You say sex but i can disagree with you on this one , there are young girls ( 20 - 30 ) marring with 60 + guys that are full of money and don't tell me they just want to have sex with "their dads" and there are N examples of that .

Humans amazing , just what they are able to do for something they want/desire

Subject: Re: Used vs. Loved? Sun Sep 26, 2010 6:25 pm

FireSile wrote:

5. You say sex but i can disagree with you on this one , there are young girls ( 20 - 30 ) marring with 60 + guys that are full of money and don't tell me they just want to have sex with "their dads" and there are N examples of that .

Humans amazing , just what they are able to do for something they want/desire

1. I can honestly say I agree with you. the "Sex" part of things is often hard to see especially when it isn't dominant or directly related.

Money = power = sex appeal.
Young girl who marries for money, knows she will be free of the old man soon enough and then she will be able to do whatever she feels like. To her sex is secondary on the concious level however the certainity that she'll be taken care of so that she can (in the longer term) be free to shag around as much as she wants is often at the subconcious level.

Don't get me wrong, people are often afraid of sex too. Well not often, rather rarely BUT even in those cases, their is a historical sequence of events which lead to that newer mindset resulting in a fear.

No names, but I have known a female who didn't want her significant other even touching her (no one I dated :P ) she loved him dearly, but even the little contact of him holding her hand used to put her on high alert. Not her fault, her X mistreated her. (No, not domestic violence, yes I know the story from both sides but can't divulge) That left her scarred for quite some time.

Why is fear of sex important or relevant? Simple. If even in the fear of sex (intercourse or oral) the roots are deeply embedded in the sexual past, then when you start asking the questions of causality you will reach the same conclusion Frued has.

Then again, in my limited opinion, there is another emotion which is highly basic. Fear.

which one of these is the fundamental cause for such behavior I don't know, because I can arrive at the root cause of fear using nothing but logic and reasoning and I can arrive at the root cause of sex using nothing but logic and reasoning. No other emotion that I have thought of leads me to anything other than these 2 emotions.

Not even anger is as primary as these 2.
Not even happiness is as primary.
Not even sadness is as primary.
Love, definitely isn't primary.

_________________

"The worst thing in life is attachment, it hurts when you lose it. The best thing in life is loneliness, it teaches you everything and when you lose it, you get everything."

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Used vs. Loved?

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